Well, as they say, desperation makes strange bedfellows. This case is no exception. In a last ditch effort to rescue their season, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have completed a trade for Thirsty Thursday Club (TTC) Special Advisor Jeff Andreoli. Rays owner Stuart Sternberg was available to comment: “We heard he was a top notch guy. It’s the kind of talent we just can’t pass over. If we could field some ball players with skills comparable to [Oli’s] heckling proficiency, we’d have a dynasty like the Detroit Tigers!”
The specific details of the deal were not disclosed, but an informant close to the organization spoke to TTC reporters on the condition of anonymity. (His name’s actually Joe Maddon – he’s the manager of the Devil Rays – f*#! anonymity). “He’ll be more than adequately compensated for his relocation," Maddon said, seen above at a press conference before last night's game. "We’ve been having trouble getting the kind of quality hecklers we’ve been looking for locally, so we’ve decided to go outside of our own farm system and bring in a real pro. I’m sure he’ll be able to whip these fans into shape and get the job done right. I mean, just look at what he’s produced up there in Great Falls. It’s amazing!”
Word on the street is that Oli was not initially interested in the deal, but was swayed by the monetary compensation as well as the addendum to his contract which guaranteed him auditions with several local bands (all of which have names that are pronounceable by individuals without astronomy degrees – see Enceladus
). “It was just an opportunity I couldn’t turn down,” said the TTC’s former President. “I certainly won’t forget all the little people I stepped on and squashed to get where I am, and I’m looking forward to a fresh crop of rookies to order around.”
The Club’s current President, Jared Smith, views this deal as a blessing in disguise. “He’s earned this opportunity, and I know he’ll make it,” exclaimed Smith through tear filled eyes. “We hate to see him go, but we understand that this is a business,” Smith declared. “He's mentored me well, and I’m ready to help take the TTC to the next level.”
The Great Falls community, as well as the remaining members of the Thirsty Thursday Club, all wish Jeff a warm farewell, and commend him on a job well done. The August 17th game vs Ogden will be his last Thirsty Thursday. But his legacy here will not be forgotten. As a token of good faith, the organization has agreed that his #19 jersey will be retired.