Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Executives Label Year a Success

Speaking from behind a mountainous column of overturned beer cups, Thirsty Thursday Club President Jared Smith and Vice-President Scotty Simpson hailed the myriad accomplishments of The Club during its 4th season in service to the Great Falls White Sox. Despite a 7.69% winning percentage, cantankerous senior citizens, stolen bicycles, Bush League heckling etiquette from fans of opposing teams, and having to live in Great Falls, Smith still trumped The Club's victory. "You can't see it in a simple Win/Loss fashion. You have to look at how much beer we drank, now that's the real triumph! I'd say on average, each Club member drank around 5-6 beers a game. Now that's not Earth-shattering at first, but please consider the fact that some of our members occasionally chose not to partake of the Lord's good brew. That moves the Club's starting line-up of alcoholics to between 7-9 beers a game. Add in the pioneering of Centene Stadium's new "Special Pepsi" and I'd say we got more than adequately hammered each game. How else can one define 'success' in Great Falls?" Added a poised Simpson, "Plus, there was the intern. Did you see the intern?"
When questioned as to their future, Club leadership smiled, drank their beers, and added to the precariously tilted pillar of plastic cups. "Getting more than thimble-sized beers on Thursday nights would be a good start," chided Simpson. "Plus I think we might open up a Cowboy's night club right next to the veteran's memorial for post-game partying. I mean, it's tough to beat Piano Pat, but I think the girls with holsters full of rum could probably handle it. We're still in negotiations with the Calgary division, but there's a lot of red tape with this international business stuff." Continued Smith, "As far as The Club is concerned, there are a lot of new recruits begging to drink beer with the Electric City's finest. As Godfather Oli once put it, donning the black and the grey is more than putting on a shirt; it's about getting those heckles in at the right time, with the right volume, and tailored to crush that particular player's will to live. We've got to refine our skills, strengthen our livers, and continue to drink until the White Sox actually win a few games."


Anonymous Joe#9 said...

5-6 beers... 7-9 beers?!? How about 18 beers minus two that were somehow spilled from my hands? I guess I was drinking for our DD. Thank God I only peed in the closet.... In other news... we've got some updated pictures of our on-field performace before and after the game. We'll make some copies this week and distribute them next week.

7:28 AM  
Blogger Scotty #13 said...

It was a stellar year for drinking! I think our quick start really helped propel us through the season... In fact, it's easier to drink more when the Sox totally stink it up on the field. It was a great finale getting onto the field and having our roster announced. We're home town least, self proclaimed... Good show TTC guys and gals. Next year will be even better!

1:08 PM  
Blogger Oli #19 said...

Yes I'm very proud of the season the TTC had this year, despite a terrible White Sox team. I'm confident that Jared and Scotty will carry on a fine tradition and lead the Club well into the future, and it will only get better. We all know you have plenty of time left in the Electric City to work on this. I think fellow veteran Joe #9 will agree that this was by far our best season, and the local recognition was phenomenal. Don't forgot about the new innovations this year, like uniforms, Special Pepsis, K signs, and road trips that must continue next season. Great work all! I am working on a special surprise down here in Tampa, so look for a post by the last week of September.

4:20 PM  
Anonymous sally #10 said...

It was a good year, the beer was good, the baseball was terrible and I honed my heckling skills. Thanks guys.

3:31 PM  

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