McCulloch Blows Entire Bonus

Kyle McCulloch, the White Sox first-round draft pick out of the University of Texas who received a $1.05 million signing bonus, reportedly spent the entire sum last weekend at the newly remodeled Loading Zone complex. "This place has got everything," he said. "I don’t know why you would go anywhere else. You have rock music, country music, strippers, a casino, and a barbecue restaurant all in one."

McCulloch, who ignored the advice of his father to invest the money, said he just couldn’t resist all the entertainment options Great Falls has to offer. "I just love the nickel Keno machines. I see now why they call Great Falls ‘The Electric City’. Austin has nothing on this place."

McCulloch was particularly impressed with the superior music scene here in town, noting that you could never hear too many Def Lepard cover songs. "The bands are so talented, especially that one, what do you call them, Emcilaphus?" He was referring to phonetically challenged local rock icons, Enceladus, known for their dynamic stage show and gorgeous female groupies.

With the bonus gone, McCulloch was reportedly seen filling out job applications at Hardee's and Dairy Queen in order to supplement his income and support his gambling habit.