Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Clemmers, Sky Sox Ink 3 Year Deal

In a monumental loss to the Great Falls White Sox, free agents Joe and Anne Clemmer have signed a 3 year, $30 million deal with the Colorado Springs Sky Sox, the AAA affiliate of the Colorado Rockies. The deal includes front-row box seats behind the visitors' dugout and an unlimited supply of functional air horns. As an added bonus, the Clemmers have arranged for $1 wines in addition to $1 beers, officially ending Anne's status as "DD." Inside sources say that Joe would not finalize the deal until the Sky Sox also threw in a subscription to ESPN the Magazine and full time use of the MP3 player.

"We are sad to leave our fellow Club members in Great Falls," stated a cigar-puffing Joe Clemmer. "But this was a deal we just couldn't pass up. Honing our heckling skills in a big market, for that kind of money, is just unbelievable."

Thirsty Club President Jared Smith, visibly upset at losing 2 of his featured stars, commented: "We kind of dropped the ball on the Clemmer deal. We focused our attention on signing some Calgary 9s to boost morale, and we didn't give the Clemmers the attention they deserved. But I don't know if we could have competed with the Sky Sox, despite all the things the Great Falls metropolitan area has to offer."

The Clemmers become the 2nd White Sox alum to move on to greener pastures, as Former Club President Jeff Andreoli was traded to the Tampa Bay Devil Rays late last season. Rumor has it that he has such big plans in the works for next season that Fidel Castro is worried. Don Knotts Security personnel have already locked down the New Orleans to Miami corridor in anticipation of the spring-time takeover.

With 1 Club alum in the big leagues, and 2 now in AAA, the Thirsty Thursday Club in Great Falls is producing stars and prospects at a much faster rate than the actual baseball team in that town.