Friday, August 04, 2006

Smith Turns Club Around

Jared Smith ushered in his Presidency last night with a resounding 4-1 victory over Great Falls’ nemesis, the Helena Brewers. Logan Williamson took a no hitter into the seventh inning, and John Shelby and Lee Cruz both belted homers for the White Sox. The Club was forced to relocate to a section behind the visitors’ dugout because their normal seating area was reserved for another party. President Smith took some heat for allowing this snafu to occur, but in the end, the move worked out to the Club’s advantage. The close proximity to the Brewers dugout extended the heckling to their entire team, and not just those on the left side of the field. Once again however, Cole Gillespie continued to rake base hits despite the ruthless rants of the Club.

One mainstay missing from the action was Brewers’ manager Ed Sedar. Rumors circulated throughout the Club concerning his whereabouts. Some speculated that he was left on the side of I-15 when the team bus stopped for one of his many bathroom breaks. Others believed that Boomer the “Moose” buried him under the right field foul pole, next to Jimmy Hoffa. Still others thought the Brewers finally did the right thing and fired the goofball. No matter where he was, it was obvious that the Brewers were hopeless without their leader, who had yet to lose to the Sox this season. Their interim manager did not even know his players’ names, and was overheard telling “number 17 to go warm up.” Special Advisor Jeff Andreoli offered his scorecard to the elderly coach, who either ignored him or forgot the question. “I should have put on a jersey and sat in the dugout,” said Andreoli. “I’m sure he would have told me to warm up eventually.”

President Smith has scheduled a victory party, open to the public, at the Club Cigar this Saturday at 9pm. Local contemporary rock act Enceladus will perform live. Ladies under 200 pounds get in free.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

My breast way 100 pounds each. Can I still get in free?

8:33 PM  
Blogger Oli #19 said...

Of course President Smith has the final call, but I say NO. You're obviously over the weight limit, and 100 pound breasts sound dangerous. Plus that's got to be killer on your back.

8:49 PM  
Blogger Scotty #13 said...

I'm gonna back the adviser on this one...I mean, come on. If they were 99lb breasts and the rest of you weighed 1 pound, however...

10:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you just have a thing against large breasted women! Which is clearly a problem you need to work on. By the way I do only weigh one pound.

6:28 PM  

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