Thursday, July 20, 2006

Mayor Denied Club Membership

In a surprising move, the mayor of Great Falls' application for admittance to The Thursday Thursday Club has been denied. The decision comes amidst overwhelming public demand for Club membership, causing President Jeff Andreoli to restrict membership only to worthy applicants. "I don't care who she is," he said. "We just rejected Kirk Cameron (pictured at right) yesterday. We threw him out as soon as he walked in with that hat. Political or social power mean nothing to us. You need to be able to pound the beers."

Those desiring to become part of this elite organization must first go through an initial tryout period. Aspiring members should introduce themselves to the Club and make their intentions known. Candidates will be evaluated on 1) their ability to drink, and 2) their ability to heckle. "Some people just can't heckle effectively, and I'm OK with that," said Andreoli. "It's a born skill. I'd rather have someone not heckle at all than sound like an idiot." Believe it or not, the Club has several rules of etiquette, which must be adhered to at all times. Candidates not familiar with the rules can pick up a copy of "Heckling for Dummies," at any Barnes n' Noble bookstore for $19.95. "If someone doesn't follow the rules, we'll give them the benefit of the doubt the first time, and correct their inadequacies. But if they're a thickhead, they're out of here," quipped Andreoli.

After the tryout, the members of the Club will confer, and may accept the candidate into the Club or deny membership. He or she may also be asked to return to a future game for a re-evaluation. "I'm not trying to be an ass here, but look, I don't want to dilute the club into a bunch of numbnuts," said Andreoli. "I'm looking for quality, not quantity, unlike Dan's (Jimenez) love life. As always, anyone can come hang out in our section. But to don the black and gray, now that takes someone special." Andreoli added that the Club is currently actively recruiting attractive females (Calgary Scale 7's and above only) and midgets. Bonuses may apply to qualified candidates.


Blogger Jared #32 said...

I think our less learned comrades might not be that well acquainted with the "Calgary Rule" system of grading. We need that cardboard cutout from The Beacon with us at all times... she was about a "Calgary 7", ya know, the kind of girl that would probably be stocking shelves in the storage room at Cowboys.

11:20 PM  
Anonymous dan #4 said...

Although true as of late, I believe that your cheap stab at Dan Jimenez's love life is a prime example of the kind of poor heckling that our club needs to steer clear of if we are going to make it in future venues such as the infamous Calgary Saddle Dome.

8:16 PM  
Blogger Jared #32 said...

I disagree with #4's shabby comeback. That stab was pretty damn funny. Sorry Dan, but I hear they're doing 2 for 1's at Murph's... that's 2 STD's for 1 girl.

8:27 PM  
Blogger Scotty #13 said...

You sure it's not the weight of 2 girls wrapped into 1 specimen?

10:21 PM  

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