Saturday, August 19, 2006

Words Exchanged as Tensions Escalate

Frustrated by a terrible White Sox team, the Thirsty Thursday Club launched a verbal assault upon the Ogden Raptors Thursday night, forcing most of the team to the top steps of the dugout. The Raptors apparently wore their rabbit ears that night, as glares and words were exchanged throughout the course of the game. Their best comeback, "look at the score," was meritless based on the fact that the White Sox lose every game, and in reality, an 8-7 loss is really a victory in our books.

In response to the incidents, acting President Scotty Simpson raised the threat level to "Orange," and called in extra Don Knotts Security personnel to protect the Club. The Club was escorted out a secret exit and taken to a secure, undisclosed location, as most of the Ogden team was waiting by their bus after the game with bats in hand.

One arrest was made, as Club member Joe Clemmer was taken into custody for using an illegal audio device. The fact that his air horn sounded more like a party favor or a wet fart did not matter to law enforcement officials. Raptor first baseman Rick Taloa accompanied the officers to the police station, not as witness, but as a man on a mission to find more donuts. And in response to the mullet chant, Raptor pitcher Cody White replied, "I'm trying to look more like my hero, Scott Baio, during his Charles in Charge days. Plus it fits right in here in Great Falls."


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